+ in the world of butterflies~*

Adam Sandler - Grow Old With You

I wanna make you smile, whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All i want to do, is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire when the furnace brakes
Oh it could be so nice growing old with you

I'll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold
Need you, feed you, even let u hold the remote control

Let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you've had to much to drink

I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you

Sunday, January 30, 2005

So tired today, as in saturday. Yesterday, friday, was such a horrible day for me. Glad that today isn't! After 'quarrelling' with him, I went to the auntie's place to rebond my hair. Melodie followed me because she wanted to cut her hair also. Both of us is like sooooo sooo sooooo tired. She was over at my place on friday night/ saturday morning. Burnt her stuffs into the CD, rented the movie "Love Actually".

Was sleeping while waiting for her to say let's watch the movie. So, I'm already asleep. She said watch movie time! So, woke up managed to keep my eyelids opened for like a few minutes, then i fell asleep. The show is boring, which makes me wanna sleep more! Lol.

So back to my point, rebonded hair today, which cost $60! Wow! The effect seems good! Let's see how long it'll last! =D but still not very used to it! Lols. Going out with them tomorrow.. weee! =D more shopping? Lols

[3:21 AM]

Saturday, January 29, 2005

What a sad sad day. I think it's really time for me to give up. He has really hurt me. I don't think he even care what I felt. After school yesterday, I met him @ Dhoby Ghaut control station. Supposed to watch the free movie with him. So we chose Elektra. I admit the whole night, I wasn't feeling good.

I felt so so so so down! So later we went to Taka, he wanted to buy a toy, I don't know who's it for. But something smells fishy, maybe I'm just being over-sensitive? I don't know.. In the end, he didn't buy. At Taka square, there was some event holding there, Funkamania, some Hiphop & Dancing event. He just keep sms-ing, so I asked, 'I thought you say your sms expensive? Still message so much?'So asked him what he wanted to eat, I didn't feel like eating because I don't have the appetite and the mood! Firstly, because I ate a brownie before I left school and secondly, he's such a turn-off when he just keep looking at his mobile.

So ok, accomodate him, suggested Cineleisure, so we went there. Had Karage Spicy Ramen, but I didn't manage to finish my noodle. So head down to Plaza Singapura to catch our movie later. During the entire show, I see him sms-ing. I don't know what's wrong! Seriously, the number of words he sms-ed is definitely more than what he has spoke to me.

After the show, so I asked him he's going home or what, so ya, he's going home. I decided to take bus home, so walked the same direction. He was walking and walking, didn't even bother if I'm behind or what. What a bastard. I'm sorry, I don't wanna scold him, but he really is one! At the bus stop, I said bye and I just walked away, heck about whether he heard me or what. His mind isn't even around.

After hanging the call, I sms-ed him saying, 'The whole night, you've been looking at your phone. Do you think I'm invisible?' I seriously thought I'm invisible. During the sms, I've received his msg 'reach home sms me'. Not long later he replied to my sms, 'Wah piang, i misunderstand my fren angry wif me ma, u go off nv tel me just walk away.' Hello, I did! You wasn't even bothered about me, would you even hear me when I said bye?

I actually sat outside Macdonald House's This Fashion and cried. I think I was pretty stupid. I sure is a nincompoop afterall. Kinda quarrelling with him now. I seriously don't know what he want, or maybe I don't even know what I want. I think he doesn't even treat me as a friend.

[1:44 PM]

Friday, January 28, 2005

Simply just can't understand what's wrong with my mom!! I hate it! =( You know I want a bike badly, but nobody is willing to let me do it. So wtf?! I've told Ken that I'm interested in his bike, and now all this. WTH! When can they actually let me do what I want. They knowing that I'll definitely own a bike one fine day, it's just a matter of time! Why can't they just let me do what I want?

I really wanna own one! They just don't understand me at all. All the bullshit about buying me a car if I've got a car license, and blahblahblah, mind suddenly went blank, forgotten what I wanna say. So ya, anyway, what's wrong with them!!! My brother-in-law's father met with an accident last time while on his bike, so when he saw me that day, he was like saying, "Bike isn't good! See, I've gotten an accident before." I was like.. ok, cut the crap, I don't wanna know.

I know it's dangerous, but still, I wanna do it! It's one thing that I'll never regret doing it, even be it losing my life. Ok, doesn't really make sense, but still, whatever. My mom! I can't stand her! When I got my bursary, she HAD to tell my sister that I've SGD1,000. Ya, 'thanks man'. You've 'helped' me alot! Fine then, since you insist saying that those money that's in our bank is YOURS, you can keep it for all you want. I'll find my own ways.

I hate it when you people just don't understand. I'm not like my sister, having a car license, yet not daring enough to drive. So what for you get a driving license and waste the money? Might as well get a passenger license which is FOC 24/7.
I SERIOUSLY DON'T UNDERSTAND!

[3:34 PM]

Thursday, January 27, 2005

What's wrong with me or others? -sighs- I just pissed Kevin off, but I really didn't mean to do it. =( It wasn't on purpose. He's giving me the whatever attitude now. I feel so bad.

I'm supposed to go movie with him tomorrow, elektra, but I'm kinda dreading it. First time I'm having this feeling. Why? Because of what's happened this whole week? I don't know why, but I think I'm trying to pull away from him? Others think that it's the right thing, I should have done it earlier, rather than having to suffer all this now? But again, it's so hard! Right..

Me and my itchy mouth this time, asked him whether he wanna watch the movie. So here we go, I'm caught in a dilemma now. I wanna go out with him, yet I'm dreading it. I guess we'll both feel awkward.

Yesterday, he told me about the girl he liked alot. He claims that he just want her forgiveness and be friends at least. I doubt that's the case. What's all that about you'll always be in my heart. I told him what I've told him in the past. What past is past, he just doesn't understand. I cried because of him again, without fail, I don't wanna see him like this. I know it's not a wonderful feeling at all.

Nincompoop!! WAKE UP!!

[11:58 PM]

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Nincompoop! Wondered what's that? It means "A silly, foolish, or stupid person." I think I'm quite suitable for it! Haha, all this while, whatever I've been doing is stupid? I guess it is. Though still trapped in this whole situation, but I'm trying to make myself understand/think and not being so stupid.

Was in school today doing nothing as usual. Was doing my blogskin, and yeah, I've updated it with a new layout. Hopefully others' opinion is positive! Haha, but whatever. Joreen came back to school today for the SMU Seminar. Then me jo and ariel went to town for a walk! We all bought something. Jo bought a pair of sandals, ariel a jacket from FOX and last but not least, me a denmin skirt and a peach coloured top.

Was kinda moody at first as I was thinking about him. He's always in mind without a reason! -sighs- I'm trying to get rid of this feeling. I know I know, I'm stupid like what I've said, I'm trying to be smart now. Hopefully I really will. Well, he's not the only tree in the forest, right? -Acting to be optimistic- Haha.

Ok saturday is nearing!! I'm so happy! =D rebonded hair.. woot~~

[10:30 PM]

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Tuesday today, just in case you don't know! Didn't really do anything, just going to school and slack! Slack's the keyword! Without fail, me zr and airdy went to Raiders again. Actually thought of rebonding my hair on the weekdays during my FYP period, but tried calling the auntie but her handphone's off, so shall stick to Saturday then. I can't wait for Saturday!!!

I'm trying my very best not to get affected over everything that's between me and him, though hurting, but I know I must do it. Else, I'll always be the stupid fool that's always being so stupid. Ok, that sounded crap, but never mind, point taken. I can't do anything if things are going this way. I don't know why I'm still being so stupid, can't help it!

I want a bike!!! I seriously want one! At least I guess it can help me get rid of all my thoughts. -maybe- I've not been feeling well this few days, as in mentally. Everything is making me bonkers. I've not gotten this kinda feelings for some time. I just hope everything will just go -poof- and it's gone. HELP!

[10:20 PM]

Sunday, January 23, 2005

5 days have passed, so fast! Been slacking for this whole week. Open house was on 19th, 20th and 22nd, but I'm not involved. First day of open house and we were so "lucky", my stupid supervisor asked us to put batteries into the darn fans, but we took 1 each. Slack and slack and slack. I love the goodie bags! Got a cute star inside. Pestered my friend for the goodie bags just for the little star and I got the previous year's NYP Shirt, definitely nicer than this year.

So the whole week is about slacking! Went blading with my mates, jiajia and wend. Fell my ass off. So painful!! Felt like shitting right after I broke that fall. -Ouch- Had reunion dinner early because my sister's going to Japan, thus I'll have more DRINKS! -drools-

I don't know what I should do about it! Maybe I know, just that I can't do it. Are capricons like that? I'm going to have a nervous breakdown if this continues on and on. -sighs- Everyday I play GB with him, I'm bound to get scolded by him. When being scolded, it's best to shut up, but, I ended up getting scolded again! -argh- I need to pour my heart out!!!!! Why am I suffering all this?

-fucked off and die- End of story.

[9:57 PM]

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Sighs! It happens once again!! I'm sick of it! I hate it. Why is it that some guys don't even know what's being sensitive? -ARGH- Happy or not, he just say whatever he likes at the point when he's angry or pissed. Crying stupidly over a game and him. -Grrrr-

Whine whine whine, it's all I can do. There's nothing else I can do!!! -grumbles- I reckoned I'm nothing/nobody to him. Why does things have to be this way every night?! I'm sick and tired of it. It's like a freaking daily routine! It happens over and over again!!

I hate today!!! My freaking phone went for a diving session and it kinda drowned. Argh!!! FUCK!!!!

Wondering if I should take over my friend's wave, but ya, if I'm keen, I think I would have to wait, because he won't have any bike after I take over. Got my photocard license yesterday, took less than 14days. Having the expressway session tomorrow at 2.40pm! Got to bring the freaking helmet around. Such a nuisance..

What the hell!!!!! Tell me what I should do!?! I'm going hay-wire!! -Sighs-

[11:53 PM]

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Saturday morning! -Yawns- So tired, just woke up not long ago. Going out with jiajia xiaojie later. Hmm, yesterday was quite a boring day again. Late for school, had breakfast with the usual people at 9.30am, then after breakfast, stupid Airdy and Zhirong went to AMK Raiders but I couldn't go! I had lesson at 12pm, that's why. They purposely de. >_<

So blahblahblah, had lesson till 2pm, went to Bishan and we ate KFC the family feast.. woah! Alot man. Then went to walk around abit, but not very much. Lols, then went back to school. Finished at 5.30pm, then he couldn't decide if he wanna come my house or go home. So undecisive, -shakes head- So end of the day, he said meet at Hougang. So, went to meet him at Hougang Mall. 'Shopped' alone and saw the kinda top I wanna buy, but then again, I thought, maybe not. Hmm, no money le!

He ate the $2.95 meal at KFC, because he wana save money, ended up it wasn't filling for him. Haha, then again, rented "TORQUE" from the CineNow. Wanted to wait for my sister to go back first, so he wouldn't feel so embarassed, so we waited somewhere near my block. I think there was some "little bengs and lians" gathering. So many of them. My my my. No future kids. -shakes head-

He saw my phone, then I put the picture of me and him, then he was like.. eh, who's that guy? Lols, purposely de. So ya, went back eventually at about 10.10pm, he trying to scam people again, then watched TORQUE and I had to go down return on my own. Idiot right, so heartless. Haha..

Saw that girl on his screen again. -sighs- who's she to him? =(

[11:25 AM]

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Hooray!!! I've finally got a license! Class 2B!! It has been awaiting for me since so so so long ago.. So tired today, supposed to wake up at 5.45am but 6.15am then i woke up. Had breakfast, blahblahblah, then wanted to take a cab down to SSDC for the warm up which was at 7.15am, but so many people and there wasn't any cab at all. Ended up taking a bus there, and reached at 7.35am. Late!! Damn, managed to do a round of warm-up, better than nothing ya.

As usual, waited and waited for the TPs to come, listened to briefing. So, I'm so "LUCKY" that I was the first group to go off.. Oh man. When I got on the bike, my right feet on the brake pad was somehow shaking. So scared, but definitely better than the first time. Did my best for the whole test route, finished at 10.10am. Say 11pm, my friend came to find me and another friend. So happened, the two of us passed today!! Haha.. Shiok~ Quite a number of testees pass, about 30+, and 10 are female. Holy cow!!

I joined the expressway 'outing', hopefully it's gonna be cool. Haha, then paid for the bloody photocard, which costed S$50. Oh man.. That's the money my sis gave me partly for rebonding my hair. My friend sent me home, sat on his RVF which was not bad, quite comfy. Haha. Bath, eat and slack, then I went back to school.

Watched "Seed of Chucky" with him. Was in the cinema, he showed me milky's pictures. So after browsing, I went back to the main screen. Saw this girl's picture, so I asked him who's she. He said, "my friend lor, disturb her de." It came into my mind, no guys will put others' pictures just for the sake of disturbing when she's not around. Right? Or maybe I'm wrong. -Sighs- I'm getting tired, very tired. How long is this thing going to go on like this. Someone just kill me please! Ease my pain. Haha.

Apparently, I think he did notice something wasn't really right. Because in the cinema, I suddenly went quiet after that. I also asked him about xiaomei. Asked him how did he deal with the issue when xiaomei said she likes him. He told me he always change topic. I was thinking.. duhx.. you can't change topic for the rest of your life. It's not going to go anywhere.

Maybe I should just withdraw from this whole thing.. =(

[10:33 PM]

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Hmm, what a day today! I so naughty!! Haha, during the whole 8.30am-6pm today, I wasn't in the lab for more than 2hours. -oops- Morning as usual, late again. Reached say 9? Around 10am, Airdy says it's breakfast time. Okok, so met Jiajia and Hilwa. Then! She was around. I guess she's kinda petty. Hmm, yea.. Who cares!!

So about 10.30, Airdy and I decided to go AMK Raiders and play! So boring in school, what to do!? Was walking towards AMK, and my Auntie saw me. Called out for me then talk awhile. So reached Raiders, played gunbound and a little of Cs. When we had no choice but to play CS, there was only one server, and it was with password. I hafta guess the password and ok, i managed to get it the 2nd time! So stupid Airdy called me a hacker. Had lunch at the market, went to my Auntie's stall, then she paid for it. >_< So paiseh. Had Unagi with rice.. =D

Went back to school.. tick tick tick, waited for the clock to reach 6pm. Had my circuit revision today and i fell off my bed when I finished the crank course! -OUCH- Sprained my left wrist once again!! Think nobody saw, because nobody came to asked if i was alright. But ya, nevermind, I wasn't embarassed about it. Had only a "da bao" for dinner. After revision, took a cab home. So tired now..

Played GB with him again, like a daily routine already. Lols.. Wanna watch chucky with him!!! =D Hopefully this thursday.. Hehe.. =D My TP's that day!! Oh oh oh~ Good luckie to me!! -Hope all goes well- Gonna sleep now. Tomorrow got another circuit revision.. -Yawns-

[11:54 PM]

Monday night! What a day today! Went to school as per normal, seeing my beloved friends! Such a nice thing to do everyday, which I won't ever get sick of doing it.

Was at the shopping arcade to withdraw money, then there was only 1 girl, and it's WENDY! She so naughty, everyday ask people to sign in/out for her. Had big breakfast, yumx2!!

Again, slack till 6pm and ya, finally went to watch "Meet the Fockers" with Melo at Plaza Singapura. Little Jack is sooo sooo sooooooo cute!! =D~~ -drools- His first word, "ssssss-holeeeeee" aww!! Especially his little expression.. Had a good laugh at the cinema~ Lols.. And back to our old habit, we were eating Long John Silver inside the cinema, we sneaked it in. Haha..

After the show, our dearest Melo went to find her friends, then I went home myself. Poor me!! Hmmm, reached home and played abit of GB with him. Haha.. He scammed someone of a "Pop Eye" that required Cash. So bad ah he.. Lols.. Hmm, been feeling slightly better now. Time to go sleep. TP TP TP is coming!! -stress-

[1:09 AM]

Monday, January 10, 2005

He came online, tried not to itchy fingers message him, so I didn't. But he messaged me, happy yet sad, because it's just a "?" Then again, better than nothing. Yea.. So again, kinda had a heart to heart chat. Apparently, her presence is still floating within him. I don't blame him, I understand that.

He suddenly told me something, "xiaomei me". Didn't get what it meant at first, but sort it as "xiaomei likes me". So I was thinking, ya expected, I commented, good for you, bad for me then. He claims that it's his fault, because he was the one who joked with xiaomei asking her to be his gf. And she took it for real, and she told him she likes him. I'm really getting paranoid!! I actually asked him, "do you think i should step out of your life?" he didn't answer.

He apologised to me. But guess that didn't really help. He's still affected over the girl whom he've 'lost'. I asked him furthur, whether he really have that bit of feelings for me or is he just leading me on. The answer ain't the latter. "then what about xiaomei? do you like her? or you also have abit of feelings for her?" no is his answer.

I'm caught in a dilemma. Do I stand a chance? Or is this thing going to be going nowhere at all? I told him to clarify things out with xiaomei, else they can't even be friends. Told him to sleep early, and off he went.

This thing is running through my mind day and night! Someone save me!!

P.S Thanks Anitha!! I love you!!! You know the reason why!!

[1:08 AM]

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Sunday sunday sunday, I kinda hate weekends. Nothing to do!! Collected my bursary this morning. So happy!!

But ya, stupid family keeps saying save the money.. I want a bike!! I want my license!!! This thursday would be my 'big' day.. -duhx-

Again, it's all about him. My head is filled up with him him him him him!! I can't stand it anymore.. =( Should I really stand up and take my leave? I guess I'm no fight for other girls whom likes him. I'm so fat and ugly.. -sighs-

Why am I always getting into a mess? Why can't things just go smoothly for once? Why why why? There's so many unanswered questions that I'ld like to know, but I don't know any of them.

I'm quite paranoid with what's happening to me. Been quite a irritant always whining to some of my friends, guess that can't 'tahan' me also. Always asking them the same old questions or telling them the same old things. I'm sorry friends, bear with me ok?

[9:59 PM]

Thursday, January 06, 2005

In school now doing nothing. Thought of writing my blog now, because I would be lazy when I'm home. Lols.

Anyway, yea, yesterday I was quite upset when he teased me. Then again, my friend said, he wouldn't even bother to tease me if I'm nobody. Hmm, maybe and hopefully that's the case. Going out with him later, go shopping! But, I'm kinda broke already.. Haha, so fast right? Yah, it is.

My TP's round the corner again!! I'm scared man! I realised something, I booked for 9th, 10.30am, and only this morning I remembered that I hafta go and take my bursary! Oh man! Hopefully the whole things finish within 2hours or something. >_< Bless me!

Haha.. Counting down 50mins more to sign out! -woohooohooo- I want my license!! Come to me!~ There's still so many unanswered questions that I wanna know. Doubt I'll even know the answer. =(

[5:21 PM]

Monday, January 03, 2005

It's the 3rd of a new year, 2005, today, and it's the 3rd week of FYP and I'm sick of it. Counting down my TP with 10 days, on the 13th. -shrugs-

At times, I wonder if I should be sad or happy. I don't know what to do. Someone please tell me. His birthday just past on 1st Jan. I bought him a Polo-Tee though he asked me not to get him anything, but I still did. Hope he likes/appreciate it.

What's his feel for me? I've no idea. This morning, he told me he might be watching with his cellgroup "Meet the Fockers", I was quite upset about it, because afterall, I asked him weeks before the show actually started. Maybe I'm just nobody to him? But ended to be, I told him, if he wanna watch with his cellgroup, then go ahead. I'm not ridiculous as to expect him to watch with me only, right? But, am I really treating him very good? I feel I am. Always putting him first, but why am I like being such a fool? -sighs-

I hate this feeling. Earlier, while I was sms-ing him, so I asked him where he was, he said he was at Jurong Point. So I guessed he's with xiaomei. Ya true, he is, so I commented, "wah, so power go until so far ah?". And he replied, "ok la, hougang also very far what". Is he trying to prove to me anything? And somebody, who's that someone! -going crazy-

[11:41 PM]